Numb

A young boy made the journey to a lonely mountainside. His village was nestled securely in the valley below. The mountains were a haven for one of the village's most important commodities, and so the boy slowly trudged onwards. As he walked, he dreaded having to spend the night on the freezing mountain slope, in spite of the company which awaited him... 

He spotted the old man's shack near the grazing sheep at the mountain's summit. The old man didn't venture into the village very much, his time was spent here guarding the sheep. The boy knew he was here to learn the importance of the old man's work, though he doubted there would be much to learn from the hermit of a shepherd. When he finally arrived the sun was just meeting the adjacent mountain range and the air became even more frigid. The old shepherd greeted the boy warmly and they made their way out to stand guard over the sheep through the night. They shared pleasantries and a warm meal while the last of the sunlight died. Eventually, the boy and the shepherd were left cold and in the dark... 

After an hour the stars made a grand appearance setting the mountainside a glow, revealing dozens of white fleeced sheep sleeping peacefully. The boy reached for a second pair of gloves and, noticing the old man's knotted bare hands grasping onto an equally knotted shepherd's staff, mentioned the now biting cold.

'If only the stars brought warmth and light, like the sun.' He remarked.

The old man smiled.

'I don't mind the cold.' He replied.

'Why?' Asked the boy, rubbing his still freezing hands together.

'We've been given a gift to endure the cold. When it becomes too much to bear, we slowly cease to feel it. And so numbed we can hold out until the cold subsides.'

The boy wondered about this answer and a silence fell upon the two. The bitter cold intensified when a slight breeze picked up. The boy broke the silence once again when he noticed the shepherd reaching for an old pair of woolen mittens.

'If numbness is a gift to endure the cold, then why bother protecting yourself against it?'

The shepherd winked as he fastened the mittens and replied,

'Numbness is a gift that comes at a price, for when we are once again welcomed into the warmth we must feel the sting of all the cold we chose to put off.'

The boy immediately recalled thawing out his frost bitten fingers after a severe snow storm the previous year. The pain had been excruciating... 

Thankfully, tonight the shepherd had made preparations for a fire and soon the two were huddled around a warm blazing fire that seemed to subdue the ever growing cold.

The boy stared into the flames and, as often happens around such fires, began to ponder and wonder.

 The boy's thoughts were interrupted when shepherd began again, 'There is a beauty in the principle of a numbing cold, for we've been given another gift.'

The boy looked up expectantly.

'What's that?'

'That is the ability to numb our emotions when we feel they are beyond our ability to bear.'

The shepherd paused, allowing the boy a moment to think.

He then continued, 'The pain of heartbreak, loss, trauma, loneliness, all can be numbed when we decide they are too much for us to endure.'

The boy didn't respond, drawing memories from his own past, times of hardship, loss, and pain... 

Minutes later he finally spoke, hiding a tear with the back of his hand,

'Then are you numb to the loneliness up here on this mountain?'

This time it was the old shepherd who stared silently into the fire. When he did speak he looked the boy in the eyes, the firelight igniting rivers of tears down his own weathered face.

'Be warned my boy.' His voice was steady and firm.

'The pain that you choose to numb must be experienced as a whole when you once again are welcomed into the warmth and security of your own heart.'

Neither the boy nor old shepherd spoke again that night, instead both their thoughts reflected on pain, sorrow, and healing while their tears reflected the warming glow of the fire...

The sun eventually breached the horizon and the two men watched its warmth spring life back into the herd. His duty done, the boy gathered his things and turned to make his journey back home for a well deserved rest. A weathered hand on his shoulder caused him to turn and the two then embraced in the morning sunshine. Gratitude shone in the old shepherd eyes and with a smile he thanked the boy for his help throughout the night. The boy looked up at the old man and said with a smile, 'Thank you, it is good to feel the warmth again.'

The old shepherd nodded and replied looking out across the village and valley, 'Yes my boy, it is good to feel the warmth again.'